John Kelso’s Bar Trail

It has been said that Another Raw Deal, 1110 West Sixth Street, is a hangout for the literary.

True, to some extent.  Pete Gent (“North Dallas Forty”), Gary Cartwright (“Blood Will Tell”), and Bud Shrake (“Limo”) all show up now and again.

Not to mention me, a person who has read “A Child’s Garden of Verses.”

But literary attendance is not the main draw of Another Raw Deal.  One can see from the men’s room graffiti that most people who drink there are not particularly gifted.

The best graffito?

“To do is to be: Camus.
“To be is to do: Sartre.
“Do be do be do: Sinatra.”

Tired stuff, admittedly, and it goes downhill from there.

But that’s okay, because the best thing Another Raw Deal has going for it is its collection of owners:  Segle Fry, Jim (Lopez) Smitham and Fletcher Boone.  The latter two are a real quinella, perhaps the two most grumbly people in the city of Austin.

Grumbly, but entertainingly so.  People come from yards around to hear them crab.

And Lopez is king of the slur.

“I did more insults in our old place (The Raw Deal on Sabine Street, which is still open), said Lopez, who left the advertising business in Dallas for the bar and restaurant game in Austin.

The old place was smaller than this new one.  I had more of an audience. You could stand at the cash register and talk to the back booth.

Maybe so.  But Lopez still gaffs the guests on occasion.  On a recent evening, a couple on the way out complimented Lopez on the excellence of food and drink.

“Wonderful,” Lopez grumped.

Come back tomorrow when we’re closed.

Then, in the old place, there was the time when a couple was holding up traffic, dallying over the decision as to what to order and making Lopez impatient.

Minutes passed.

“What would you suggest?” the unsuspecting lady finally asked Lopez.

“How about another restaurant?” Lopez snapped.

The insults of Boone and Lopez are legend.

There was the fellow who called up to ask if a veggie plate was served.

“No,” Boone said.

“Why?” the guy asked.

What would we do with all this bad grease?

If you go to Another Raw Deal, consider yourself fortunate if you are put down.

Stiffness of drinks:  A regular mixed drink costs a buck and a half, but you get your money’s worth.  The bartenders follow this policy:  they turn the bottle upside down, and after they have counted to three at a moderate speed, the stop pouring.

There is no happy hour.  “If you want to find a happy hour, find a place that’s going broke,” Boone says with a certain amount of smug.

Other prices:  There are two types of draft beer (Pabst, 65 cents, and Michelob, 75 cents).  Bottle beers, both American and import, run from 75 cents to $1.25.

Level of Peace:  Peace is kept.  I have never seen a fight at Another Raw Deal.  Most of the customers are non-violent, liberal Democrats, and it is the only bar from which I have ever been ejected.  Good place to pick up social workers.

Games, other extra-curricular recreation:  None of this at Another Raw Deal, except for reading.  There is a magazine rack.  No backgammon boards are allowed.  No musical instruments are allowed.  There is no pinball machine.

Fancy drink of the house:  None.  The bartenders get headaches when someone asks for a Margarita.  “No blended drinks,” Lopez promises.

We wouldn’t let a blender in the house if someone gave it to us.

Jukebox:  According to a recent article in The Daily Texan, the place has the best jukebox in Austin.  I can’t argue.  Selections on it are done in a variety of musical types:  John Handy, the Rolling Stones, B. B. King, Fats Domino, James Brown, Bobby Bland, the Sir Douglas Quintet, Frank Zappa, Chuck Berry, Little Richard and others.

Ambiance:  Loose.  Come as you are.  You will see hippies in suspenders as well as businessmen in three-piece suits.

Eats:  Another Raw Deal is as much of a restaurant as it is a bar.  There are solid steaks, pork chops, boneless chicken, more.  Dinner prices range from $2.95 TO $7.95.  There is also a bowl of beans for $1.50.  “Beans are good for drunks,” Boone explained.

Also, the place sells real, honest-to-God French fries.  Great big, fat, greasy ones for 85 cents.

Credit:  No credit cards accepted, although personal checks are.

Hours:  11:30 AM to 2 AM Monday through Saturday.

John Kelso’s Bar Trail, Austin American-Statesman